Selfish Sorry

Psalm 38

David was in great pain, presumably as a result of unconfessed sin. In the midst of his moaning about his pain, he confessed the sin. Then he urged God to save him. This raises a question about repentance.

Am I sorry for the bad things I’ve done or am I sorry for the consequences of the sin?

Am I sorry I have offended God and hurt people or am I sorry because I feel badly about it?

Repentance requires a recognition of my sin.

Recognition of sin makes me sorry that I did it.

Sorrow makes me feel badly that I’m a sinner.

Forgiveness makes me feel better.

So here’s the dilemma. When I repent, do I ask for forgiveness so I’ll feel better?

While I was writing my chapter of A Dozen Apologies, I wrestled with this problem. Mara, the main character asked a lot of men for forgiveness. She did it in obedience to Jesus’ instruction that we should be reconciled to anyone who has something against us before we offer our sacrifice on the altar. (Matthew 5:23-24) It was a really hard thing for her to do. But some of them questioned her motives. Did she say she was sorry because she wanted to be forgiven or because she was sorry?

When I sin, should I say “I’m sorry”or should I just say “Please forgive me?”

Maybe this is a false dilemma. But I think it addresses the true nature of repentance. It makes me look a little deeper when I see my sin. It makes me turn to God to ask for true repentance.

Mara’s journey of repentance is being published right now. You can read her story here. I hope you enjoy it.

Don't Break God's Heart

Genesis 6:5-6

My daughter and her children came over for dinner a few days ago. Six year old Zoey was not interested in what I made for dinner and made it plain by whining and complaining. When her mother sent her out of the room, she expressed her displeasure by crying loudly for the rest of our meal. It broke my heart to hear her, but I was glad that my daughter loved her enough to discipline her. Eryn’s response was more godly than mine. She cared about Zoey’s bad behavior. I cared about Zoey’s crying.

God hates sin. But He loves the people who sin. That’s why it breaks His heart.

When I read the Old Testament, I see lots of evidence of God’s hatred of wickedness. He destroyed the whole world with a flood because everyone in it was wicked. He flattened Sodom and Gomorrah with brimstone because everyone in them was wicked. And He ordered the Israelites to kill everyone in Jericho because everyone in them was wicked.

Stories like these make it easy to wonder if somehow God changed from the Old Testament to the New Testament. Was He angry and judging in the Old and loving and gracious in the New?

I could try (badly) to show His grace in the Old Testament and how He still hated sin in the New Testament. Or I could try (again, badly) to explain the doctrines of Total Depravity and Limited Atonement. But I won’t.

This little verse in Genesis gave me a new perspective on God’s response to sin. I’ve always known that He hates it. But I didn’t know that it hurts Him. When He looked down on the earth at the time of Noah and saw that everything people thought or imagined was totally evil, His heart broke.

When I sin, I break God’s heart.

That’s the most powerful reason I’ve ever had to resist temptation.

Wayne and I have reached the age where we have to acknowledge that our parents are aging. We have a lot of mixed emotions we have to work through. For years we've been independent adults with respectful, but equal, relationships with our parents. Now we're finding that they need more support from us and the balance of give and take is shifting.

It makes me ponder how aging changes us in our relationship to God. I'm blessed that my father has shown the way in that, as he has in so many other steps along the Christian walk. A few years ago I wrote this poem about him, but I suspect it could apply to many godly men and women in their older years.

Daddy

You falter on the terrace, who once grew fruitful gardens.

You shuffle in the hallway, who once trod jungle paths.

You waver in the doorway, who once befriended all.

You who encouraged many, fear you’ve been forgotten.

You who comforted grief, mourn the one who’s gone.

You who inspired hope, despair your failing health.

You who managed people, doubt your usefulness.

You who loved deeply, covet a friendly touch.

You prayed God’s blessing on us all, and still you pray.

You obeyed the Great Commission, and still you tell.

You preached the Word of God, and still you teach.

You remain our comforter, encourager, inspiration.

You remain a preacher, teacher, lover of the Word.

You remain a disciple, servant, child of God.

You remain our father, grandpa, elder.

You remain a builder, leader, friend.

You have fought the fight; run the race.

You await the crown of righteousness.

Well done.

Stand in the Gap

Ezekiel 22:30

One of my favorite children’s books is Hans Brinker, or the Silver Skates by Mary Mapes Dodge. I learned a lot about Holland from that book, including the amazing way the Dutch reclaimed land from the sea by building dikes. In the book, Dodge retells a well known story about the little boy who saw a hole in the dike and stuck his finger in it to keep the sea from leaking through and flooding the land. He plugged the hole all night, until adults found him and repaired the dike.

This verse reminded me of that story, except there was no little boy, or little girl or man or woman, to stand in the gap in the wall. Like Holland’s dikes, the wall of righteousness protects the land and the people who live in it. It protects God’s people from evil but it’s broken down because we live in a fallen world. Since it has been breached, evil pours in through the gap and the land will be destroyed. God’s looking for someone to stand in the gap and fight the evil. 

Someone's not doing her job. I can look around for the people who should be doing it. I can look for the preachers and youth leaders and Bible study teachers and evangelists and Christian politicians and Christian businessmen. They need to be doing more, doing it better. But in this moment God’s not looking at them.

He’s looking at me. He wants me to stand in the gap.

How can I stop evil from pouring into the land? I'm not great spiritual warrior with powerful weapons to fight evil. I don’t have any influence. I don’t have great wisdom or knowledge. But all God is asking is for me to stand in the gap. I can be like the little boy who used what he had until more skilled people arrived to take over. The little boy’s finger became part of the dike when he used it to close the hole. In the same way, I can become part of the wall. I can do that by doing right, by obeying His commands and walking in His ways. I can do it by being kind and loving. I can do it by living a righteous life. 

Yeah, I can do that. I mean, it’s what I try to do every day. It’s what I ask the Holy Spirit to do in me daily. If living my life to please God is what it takes to stand in the gap, I’ll do it.

More than that, I need to do it. In the days of Ezekiel, God looked for someone to stand in the gap and didn’t find anyone. So He had to destroy the land.

Scary

Please let Him find me doing my job. Let me be there standing in the gap when He looks for someone. Let me add my insignificant life to the wall of righteousness until more capable servants can get here to repair the wall. Don't let the land be destroyed because I wasn't willing.

Manna on the Sabbath

Exodus 16:21-30

I’m learning that so much of God’s work in my life has two sides. He blesses in the good times and He blesses in the bad times. He gives me what I need and withholds what I shouldn’t have. He tells me to love Him and He tells me to hate the World. That principle is at work in His commandment to keep the Sabbath. 

God provides through work and God provides through rest. The Sabbath is not a break; it’s part of God’s provision.

When the Israelites were wandering in the desert, God provided just enough manna for each day. But they had to go out and gather it. His provision involved daily work. If they kept any for the next day it was spoiled. But on the sixth day He told them to pick up twice as much. The next day there was no manna, but the leftover from the day before was still good. Those who went looking for manna on the seventh day were not only disappointed, they were disobedient.

Unfortunately, I haven’t always understood that the Sabbath is a gift to me from God. Work is what I do because it’s what God expects. And because God commands me to rest on the Sabbath, I’ve sort of classified it with the rest of the things I do because God wants me to do them. God says work for six days. God says rest one day. By thinking that way I miss the true importance of the Sabbath.

The Sabbath is God’s gift to His people.

God provides enough for the Sabbath.

Whether I keep the Sabbath is not only a matter of obedience – it's a blessing.

I think that one of the purposes of the Sabbath is for me to stop striving and sit back and watch God provide. On the other six days, I receive His provision through my efforts - or at least I act on it. On the Sabbath, I have no part in it at all. I stay in my own place, open the cupboard doors and there is the manna. 

One day a week I rest from planning, working or worrying. One day a week I open my mouth and let God fill it. One day a week I don’t have to do anything but receive God’s blessings.

God’s provision, obedience and Sabbath rest are tied together in this story. God provides everything we need to sustain us, but part of that provision is work. He provides, but we work to gather it. Then He adds rest as a special gift. One day out of seven we don’t have to work, but He still provides. It all works together because we obey Him to work when we should and not work when we shouldn’t and trust Him to provide in both instances.