Search Me O God

Psalm 139:7-12

I’m going through a period where some of my besetting sins are very apparent to me. There are several ways to respond and none of them are particularly pleasant. My natural response is to “hate” myself. I can really beat myself up over my self-indulgence and my poor attitudes. Or I can pray about them and ask the Lord to forgive me and transform me.

But I can’t hide them from God.

I don’t want to get away from God, but sometimes I wish He’d look the other way. Sometimes I wish I had a little cupboard where I could stuff some stuff until I’m ready to deal with it. The problem with Jesus being the light is that He shines in that cupboard and in all the corners that need sweeping out.

When Jesus is around the darkness shines as bright as day. That means there isn’t any darkness. I don’t have dark corners or private cupboards. He sees all my sins all the time.

So when I am aware of my sins, when I’m overwhelmed by them, I’m comforted by knowing that God is aware of them. He’s the One who has brought them to my consciousness. But He doesn’t do it to chastise me or to make me anxious about them. He does it to lead me on the path to eternal life.

I want to walk on that path. I want God’s light to shine on my life and reveal all the dark, ugly places. So I pray with the Psalmist:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
     test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Point out anything in me that offends you,
     and lead me along the path of everlasting life. (Psalm 139:23-24)