Gossip

I'm not planning to turn my blog into a showcase for my short stories, but, today I'm sharing another one. In A Dozen Apologies, Mara is hoping that she'll be forgiven, but isn't sure she will be. My character in this story experiences some of the sorrow and grief that Mara feels.

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Jenny felt her face heat up until it was as red as her son’s toy fire engine. She wanted to smack her hand over her mouth, but the ugly words were out and she couldn’t take them back. Instead, she bent over her Bible and waited for the silence to end.

“Why don’t we move on to the next question,” the leader suggested.

Finally. Papers shuffled, pages turned and someone said something. Jenny couldn’t concentrate. She couldn’t believe she had said something so nasty about a friend. At least this was a small group and they had all agreed that anything said here was confidential. Right after the final prayer, she gathered her things and rushed out of the room. The sound of low voices followed her down the hall and she glanced over her shoulder at the open door.

They’re probably talking about me. “I hate gossip,” she muttered.

“Thumper says, ‘If you can’t say nuttin nice, don’t say nuttin at all.’”

Jenny jumped and looked down. Little Xander was standing in the door of the children’s room, holding a toy rabbit. Jenny put on a smile.

“That’s right, honey. Always say nice things.”

In the car, she pushed away her guilt and made a mental list of what she had to do before meeting the school bus at 3:00. The next morning, after hurrying the kids out to the bus stop, she took her time walking back to the house. She had a million things to do, but it was a beautiful day for a walk. When she got to her driveway, she kept going, breathing in the fresh air while she admired her neighbors’ landscaping. When her phone vibrated, she tugged it out of her pocket.

“Whatcha doing today?” Caitlin asked.

“You know. Clean the house, maybe make cookies. The usual stuff.” Caitlin didn’t really want to hear about her plans to organize closets. While she chattered about her own plans, Jenny waited for the question she knew had been burning in her mind since the Bible study yesterday.

“You know, Jenny, Beth was really hurt by what you said.”

“Beth knows? Who told her? Bible study is supposed to be confidential.” Jenny walked faster as her volume went up. “I hate gossip.”

“I don’t know who told her. I guess someone thought she ought to know.”

Jenny turned and headed back to her house. “Well, I guess that group’s not confidential after all. I won’t be saying anything important anymore. Listen, I’ve got a bunch of things to do today. I’ll talk to you later.”

She hung up and stuffed her phone into her pocket as she opened the front door. She stomped toward the kitchen, but saw her Bible on the table where she had left it yesterday. She paused and stared at it, still fuming about the supposedly confidential group. Suddenly she remembered a little voice saying “If you can’t say nuttin nice, don’t say nuttin at all.”

She picked up the Bible and sank into a chair. They had studied James last year and she knew exactly where to find the passage she needed. As she read chapter three, she prayed about her tongue. She acknowledged that it was out of control and asked God to forgive her. Then she put down the Bible and pulled out her phone.

Beth didn’t answer, so Jenny left a message. “Beth, I’m so sorry that I hurt you by what I said. Sometimes I just don’t think before I open my big mouth. Please forgive me.”

There. She had done what she could. She headed into the kitchen to clean up before the breakfast leftovers turned to stone. But she kept glancing at the phone on the counter, hoping Beth would call back. Nothing. Not in the afternoon, not by supper, nothing. After the kids were in bed, Jenny went on Facebook and sent Beth a personal message. An hour later she checked to see if it had been read. It had, but still no response.

By morning, she was pretty sure Beth wasn’t going to forgive her. Why had she been such an insensitive idiot? She thought about calling again, but she didn’t want to look like she was stalking her. She sat down in her favorite chair and prayed.

“Dear Lord, please, please, forgive me for the awful things I said. And please heal the hurt I caused Beth. Even if she doesn’t ever speak to me again, please help her forgive me. Don’t let her stay mad for her sake. Don’t let me be the reason for her to carry a grudge.”

Sunday morning, Jenny hurried the kids so she could get to church early enough to catch Beth before the service. Jesus had said to leave your gift at the altar if your brother had anything against you. Jenny wasn’t sure if she could worship with this rock in the pit of her stomach. She stood watching by the door until the kids finally dragged her to their Sunday School class. After handing them their Bibles and offerings, she walked toward the worship center with her head down, feeling the rock get bigger.

The sound of footsteps made her look up and there was Beth with a big smile. She threw her arms around Jenny and held on for a long time. Stepping back, she said, “Of course I forgive you. I know you didn’t mean it.”

Tears filled Jenny’s eyes as Beth tucked her arm into Jenny’s and walked into the worship center with her.

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Today Mara gives her last apology. I don't think it's gotten easier and she's still not sure if she'll be forgiven. Read about it here.

If you've been reading the book, you'll want to vote for your favorite hero. Which one will capture Mara's heart in the last chapter?

Prayer Meeting

In today's chapter of A Dozen Apologies, the hero Mara apologies to is a pastor. My family is filled with ordained ministers and pastors, including my grandfather, father, two uncles and two brothers-in-law. I've also had the privilege of being shepherded by some faithful and godly men in the churches I've attended. So I'm posting something a little different today. This is a story I wrote recently when I was praying for my pastor.

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Tyler leaned against the wall beside the pastor’s door, still as a statue. His hands were deep in his pockets and his head was down, his eyes closed. When he heard the knob turn, he straightened up and walked away toward the foyer. He could hear the pastor walking behind him, but he didn’t turn. The ushers were starting to close the doors when he entered the sanctuary and found his usual seat with the other teens in the front row. Jeff raised an eyebrow at him, as the lights dimmed and they stood for the first song.

“What were you doing?”

The drum cadence made it impossible to talk, so Tyler shrugged. Later, when Pastor invited the congregation to greet each other, Jeff turned to Tyler.

“Seriously, dude. What were you doing?”

“Praying.” Tyler shrugged again and turned to Mrs. Mable who was waiting to give him a hug. He liked her, but she did complain a lot.

After the service, Tyler followed Jeff and some of the others out through the foyer toward the front doors of the church. His mother broke away from a group gathered around the posters of the new building and grabbed his arm.

“Could you pick up your sister from Sunday School and take her home? I think I’ll be here a while.” She looked back over at the group, whose voices were starting to rise.

“Sure.” He grimaced at Jeff, who had waited for him by the door. “See ya, man.” Then he turned toward the Sunday School wing, trying not to hear the same arguments that had been going on since the architect designs had been put up.

“Why can’t they add another bathroom? Pastor just doesn’t understand how important that is.”

“Come on. There are five stalls. That’s plenty, even when we get bigger. But I heard they’re going to put in purple carpet and chairs. Purple! Do they really think men like my father would come to a purple church?”

Later that afternoon, Tyler picked up Jeff in his Jeep and headed for McDonalds where some of the gang met before youth group.

“What were you praying about outside the pastor’s office this morning?” Jeff asked. “I thought you were in trouble.”

Tyler grinned. “I haven’t been sent to the principal’s office since I was ten. No, seriously, I just think Pastor needs some support. Everyone’s complaining all the time.”

“I wish we weren’t building a new church. It’s all my parents can talk about. It’s a bad design. Not enough Sunday School rooms. Not enough parking. We shouldn’t have a mortgage. Who gets to pick the colors? Blah, blah, blah.” Kendra punched the air with a french fry with each point.

Brittany leaned over from the next table. “I heard that the Taylors are going to another church.”

“Yeah. Madison said her mom doesn’t feel welcome anymore. It’s all just stupid. Who cares about colors and stuff?”

Tyler reached for one of Kendra’s fries. “That’s why I’m praying,”

Next Sunday, Tyler saw Jeff leaning against the wall by the pastor’s office when he turned into the hallway from the foyer. Jeff nodded, but didn’t say anything and Tyler stood on the other side of the door and bowed his head. He heard some rustling while he prayed, but he didn’t look up until the door opened. Some of the girls were standing along the wall opposite him and Pastor was standing in the doorway staring at them. To Tyler’s disgust, the girls giggled.

“Hi, Pastor. Bye Pastor.” They hurried down the hall, leaving Tyler and Jeff to explain.

But Pastor just smiled at them. “Morning boys.” He followed the girls without another look. Tyler walked after him with Jeff.

“If they’re going to do this, they have to be serious,” he whispered.

He wondered if Jeff had talked to them, because next Sunday there were more kids, and they all stood silently with their heads bowed, lining both walls of the hallway. They had left a spot for Tyler next to the pastor’s door. No one moved when pastor came out and he didn’t say anything. When he headed for the sanctuary, they followed him in silence.

That night he came to youth group. When they had settled into their seats for the large group meeting, Pastor Tom frowned at them from the stage.

“I don’t know what you’ve all been up to, but Pastor has asked to speak to you tonight. I better not hear that you’ve been flocking his house again.” He laughed and handed the microphone to Pastor.

“No worries, Tom. We’ve got a godly group of young people in this church. They wouldn’t dream of damaging my property unless it were for a good cause.” They laughed with him because they had raised a lot of money for the building fund when they put thirty two flamingoes on his lawn last summer. He stopped laughing and stood looking at them for a long time. Tyler squirmed a little. If the pastor thought they were doing something bad, it was his fault.

“I’ve noticed some of you have been standing outside my office before service. I asked Tom and your parents about it and no one seems to know what you’re doing there. So I asked the Lord about it and He laughed at me.” One of the girls gasped, and another one giggled. “’Isn’t it obvious?’ He said to me. ‘They’re praying for you.’”

He lowered the microphone, walked over to the wall and leaned against it. He bowed his head and looked at his feet, unmoving for a few seconds. Then he lifted the microphone and walked back to the front of the stage.

“I came to thank you. Sometimes we adults get so caught up with what we want, we forget what’s really important. Sometimes we forget we are God’s people and this is His house. Next week we’re going to have another meeting about the building. But before we talk about it, we’re going to talk about what God wants. I know we all love Him, but I think we may have forgotten we want to please Him. So thank you for remembering. Thank you for praying for me. And don’t stop.”

He handed the microphone to Pastor Tom and stepped down from the platform, walking down the aisle toward the foyer doors. Even the girls didn’t make a sound. Suddenly, Tyler jumped up and started clapping. Jeff and the other kids around him did too and pretty soon the clapping filled the room. Pastor Tom signaled the worship band to start playing. Pastor kept walking, but Tyler saw him pause at the door when Tom spoke into the microphone.

“Let’s pray.”

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Read about Mara's encounter with Pastor Brent here.

Prayer Closet

Matthew 6:5-6

I had a friend who used to tell me to say a prayer for her every time I went to church. It annoyed me because it seemed like she thought I could only pray when I was in church. Although I prayed in church, most of my prayer life has happened wherever I happen to be.

In my living room, reading my Bible.

In my kitchen, doing dishes.

In my car, waiting at a stop light.

When I was a child, I actually knelt by the bed to say my prayers at night.

But here, Jesus tells us to go away to somewhere private to pray.

Over the years I’ve found some beautiful private places. One of my favorites when I was a kid was the campfire circle at Mount Zion. I liked sitting on one of the benches and looking over the lake and the mountains while I talked to Him.

There were two small chapels at Forest Home, the camp where I worked during the summers in college. One had floor to ceiling windows that looked over a lake and mountains. The other was a traditional stone chapel where I fainted after kneeling on the cold floor too long.

When I was in college, I did my best praying while I walked through the college parking lot. I prayed aloud because there was no one around to hear me except for God.

This year, I saw the most beautiful prayer chapel I’ve ever been in. It’s on the North Greenville University campus. The chapel is built as a small square with a tile pool in the middle. One end has a series of stone walls rising to the ceiling, with water falling down them into the pool. Ferns and other water plants grow in the crevices around the water. Wooden kneelers face the other three sides of the pool. There are no benches, so you have to kneel to pray. It is one of the most peaceful places I have ever been in.

There are lots of places we can pray and lots of ways we should pray. A beautiful chapel like this one makes it easy, but even if I only have a messy bedroom available, I can still go away to pray in private. The important thing is to spend time with my Father in private.

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In today’s chapter of A Dozen Apologies, Mara goes to Greenville for her apology. I’m hoping that she found some time to go to the prayer chapel on the campus, but even if she didn’t, she definitely needed to spend some time in prayer. What she’s been doing is really hard.

Praying the Scripture

My mother taught me to say my prayers when I was just old enough to talk. I learned to say:

Now I lay me down to sleep

I pray Thee Lord my soul to keep

If I should die before I wake

I pray Thee Lord my soul to take.

When I was a little older the big kids taught me this one (which we never used in the presence of adults):

Good food, good meat, good God, let’s eat.

I also learned to pray by repeating the words my mother said at bedtime, words which were usually the same basic, “Thank you for the day and for my blessings” prayers. And of course I learned the Lord’s Prayer. So my early prayers were repetitions of other people's words. As I grew older, learning to “make up” prayers using my own words was a challenge, but by the time I was a teenager, I was having long conversations with God. I used to go for walks and tell Him all about my life – out loud.

Now, in some ways, I've returned to repeating other's prayers. As I read the prayers that people in the scriptures prayed, I wonder why I bother using my own words. They say it so much better.

Miriam’s song of deliverance: Exodus 15:1-18

     The Lord is my strength and my song;
         he has given me victory.

David’s prayer of confession: Psalm 51

      Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
         I have done what is evil in your sight.

 David’s prayer of praise: I Chronicles 29:10-13

     Yours, O Lord, is the greatness, the power, the glory, the victory, and the majesty.

Of course there are so many more. I could spend days praying the Psalms. And what about the non-stop praises in Revelation? But I am particularly drawn to prayers for others. When God puts people on my heart, I am finding that He also leads me to the right prayer for them. I can and do ask God to bless, comfort and heal, and to give them peace and patience, as needed. But the scripture is so much deeper.

We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. Colossians 1:9-14

I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding. For I want you to understand what really matters, so that you may live pure and blameless lives until the day of Christ’s return. May you always be filled with the fruit of your salvation—the righteous character produced in your life by Jesus Christ—for this will bring much glory and praise to God. Philippians 1:9-11

Now, when I run across a prayer in the scripture, I stop and pray it. It’s such a blessing to be given the words by the Author and Recipient of my prayers.

**All the scriptures are from the NLT.

Pray with Joy

Philippians 1:3-11

There are special people that I pray for with joy – my husband, my daughter and son-in-law, my son and daughter-in-law, my father, my sisters and brother and their spouses, my close Christian friends, my pastor. I love praying for them because I love them. But what makes it a joyful activity is that these people and I share the same purpose. As citizens of the Kingdom of God we are committed to spreading the good news. 

Another of my joys is knowing that these people also pray for me – especially my father. I am so blessed to know that he prays for me daily and that God has promised that “the earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.” (James 5:16) His prayers are comforting because I know that although God has begun a good work in me, it won’t be finished until He returns. In other words, I have a long way to go.

So . . .

If anyone is moved to pray for me, this is what I want them to pray:

That my love (for God and others) will overflow more and more 

That I will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding of God’s ways and His Word

That I will understand what really matters (the Kingdom of God and His righteousness)

That I may live a pure and blameless life until the day of Christ’s return 

That I will always be filled with the fruit of my salvation which is the righteous character produced in my life by Jesus Christ

That I will bring much glory and praise to God

I’ll joyfully pray the same for you.